The Twisted Road to Happiness
by Morecowbelltx
Summary: Bella loves Jacob but wonders what she might be missing by being with him. Should she stay and be with him or should she spread her wings and see what else is out there in the world.
1. The Proposal

**A/N When we first posted this chapter we didn't have a beta. We decided we really needed one and since then we have found a wonderful Beta named Jenni. She has edited and re-edited our mistakes. So here is the refreshed first chapter. She has about 8 more in her in box to edit. So we hope to update every 2 weeks. **

Complete Story Summary: Jacob and Bella are high-school sweethearts racing to the altar. Bella makes a last minute decision that changes their paths. It is a story of self-discovery, growing up, making mistakes, taking the road less traveled, and finding your way home again.

Chapter 1 – The Proposal, BPOV

_Me, I'm used to being tired and bloody_

_But you believed that I could be somebody_

_You put your world on hold for me_

_Gave away to follow, feel you through the fire_

_I need you to know I will_

_Believe me, girl, I'm so tired of running_

_I just wanna hold your hand_

_Stare at you like you've got everything I need_

_And I can so I will and you'll see your hero come running_

_Over and over tonight_

_And I do wanna love you_

_If you see me running back_

_And I do wanna try_

_Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy_

_Then I'm going out of my mind_

_So hold back your tears this time_

_**For The Nights I Can't Remember - Hedley**_

Wide dark eyes, child-like and filled with reverence, implored me to answer his question.

"Bella, will you marry me?" He opened the black velvet box and presented the ring that had been in his family for generations. My breath caught in my throat, causing me to gasp. I answered his question the only way I knew how.

"Oh my God."

Here I was in this beautiful moment, my birthday, surrounded by family and friends, and I didn't know what else to say. For years, he had always said we would end up together, that it was "our destiny" and while I believed him to a certain extent, I just didn't think we would ever be at this place.

I froze.

As the seconds ticked on, my eyes darted around the room searching for an answer. Smiles met me as it seemed the entire room held their collective breath. I knew what was expected of me, and it was one little word that would change the rest of my life.

"Yes." I finally allowed a smile to take my face. "Yes, I will marry you," I said, trying to sound a bit more enthusiastic.

In a rush, the entire restaurant erupted in applause and wolf whistles as the familiar heat colored my cheeks. He got to his feet with a smile, hands shaking as he placed the diamond on my trembling left ring finger. When he kissed me, something felt off. We were newly engaged, the feelings I had toward him should've have been intensified by this seemingly happy moment.

They weren't.

Instead, questions started forming in my head. How do I tell him that I really didn't feel the same way about him? How do you let your feelings chill after six years? Could I change my mind? Could I give him the ring back? Could we pretend that this never even happened? Why was this happening to me?

I loved him. I had loved him since I was only a kid. He was my best friend, and this was just something that was the next natural step in our relationship, right? I took a deep breath, hoping to quiet my inner monologue.

I could do this. Maybe I was just nervous and scared of what the future would bring.

I could marry him. His happiness meant everything to me.

I would marry him.

I would marry Jake Black.

My birthday dinner suddenly turned into an impromptu engagement celebration with our friends and family. Gifts were passed around the table, and with each tear of wrapping paper, the sparkling ring on my left hand caught my eye. It wasn't big, not that it mattered, but it was beautiful. The platinum band had an oval cut diamond encircled by six smaller stones. Jake's grandmother had willed it to his father, Billy, upon her death some years ago. Billy, not having any other children to pass it to, kept it with his other treasures in his safe deposit box at the local bank, waiting for this very day to arrive.

My best friend Jessica squealed and grabbed my hand at different points during the night, touching and admiring the ring. She had envisioned us walking down the aisle right after our first date in high school, which was a little premature, I thought, but nonetheless here we were.

"Wow, Bells! I cannot believe that you, of all people, are the first one of us to be engaged!" Her high-pitched voice was slowly starting to wear on my nerves. "I mean, I knew you two would do it one day, but you're only 21. Do you think you'll get married soon? Oh, and then you can have babies!" She rattled on, clearly seeing my future when I had no clue what was going on around me, much less what would happen down the road. I just smiled and shook my head, trying to buy me some time.

I could see the wheels turning in her head. Jess was always over-analyzing everything, in addition to her constant meddling. I was certain that she was the reason Jake and I had been voted "Cutest Couple" and Prom King and Queen in high school. I met Jessica when I moved from California to Forks when I was 15. She quickly introduced me to her circle of friends, and the rest has been history. In our relationship, Jessica was the talker, which was nice because that made me the listener. Jess was also known as the gossip queen, so I knew my news would spread around town like wildfire.

"Do you want a big wedding or a small wedding? Indoor or outdoor? Live band or DJ? Roses or lilies? Bella? Are you listening to me?"

I shook my head again, snapping out of my self-induced haze. "Jess, I've been engaged for less than an hour. Can you give me another thirty minutes or so to absorb everything?" My voice was quieter than normal, trying to implore Jessica to just calm down. Her hysteria over my impending nuptials was not helping my already cold feet.

I was met with a giggle. "OK, Bells, I know. It's just that Forks is a small town and all of the best places book up years in advance. I just want to help," she said, still dreaming of being my wedding planner as she flitted off to go talk to someone else.

I took a long sip of the champagne that had been passed around and sighed. She had no clue that I was having any reservations about getting married. I guess this was a good thing, despite her being my best friend, that my emotions weren't obvious to everyone else in the room.

Like Jake.

Everyone in the room was engaged in conversation and I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I stood, hoping to take a few minutes and step away from everyone and just clear my head. When I moved, Jake did too and was immediately at my side.

"Everything ok, Bells?"

"Yeah, I just need to go to the bathroom," I said. "I'll be right back." I took one step past him when he took my wrist and turned me back toward him. His gentle lips met mine.

"I love you, B." My heart pounded when I heard the words I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear anymore. I could feel the ache starting to take over my chest.

"I love you, too, Jake." I kissed him again and turned to walk out. Once out of view, everything started to speed up. I bumped into a waitress as I almost ran through the kitchen looking for an escape. Panic rippled through my body despite my best attempts to stifle it, and I needed some air.

Once outside, I took a deep breath. What the hell was wrong with me? Wasn't this the way it was supposed to be? We had been together from high school into adulthood, didn't it just make sense for us to get married and have kids? When I closed my eyes and thought about it, wasn't it supposed to be Jake and me, sitting on a porch in our rocking chairs, laughing about the good old days as our grandkids ran around in the yard? I couldn't make heads or tails out of my thoughts, when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, kid, what's up?" I was relived to see my dad, Charlie, standing next to me. "Are you alright?" He pulled me into an awkward half-hug where he was doing all of the movement. I simply nodded my response.

"Bells, maybe you should sit down or something. Maybe put your head between your legs? You're looking a little worse for wear right now, kid," he chuckled, leading me to some steps where I could sit.

"Thanks, dad. Just felt a little out of sorts there for a minute. I needed some air," I explained meekly, forcing a smile.

I knew he was trying to get a read on me. Charlie was much better at that than he was actually talking to me. The silence continued as we played our little game. As a kid, Charlie never pried for information; he would just wait me out until I eventually spilled the beans.

My parents divorced when I was in middle school. I stayed with my mom, Renee, in California while spending all of my summers and every other holiday with my dad in Forks. Renee was what you could call a "free spirit". Throughout my childhood, we had experimented with going vegan (which failed after 6 days because Renee missed chicken), homeopathic remedies (which failed after she needed antibiotics for strep throat), and we even made our own hemp-friendly clothing (which failed after the pair of pants she made split their seam during a dinner party). Her hobbies changed more than I could count, and the guest bedroom had more than enough yoga mats, sewing machines, and endless other accoutrements to prove it. I always saw my mom as more of a teenager than I was. She was definitely of the opinion that I was her "best friend" versus being her daughter, and she regularly subjected me to details I didn't think I needed to know, especially in regards to her sex life. (Eww.)

When Renee met Phil, everything changed. Phil was a minor league baseball player who traveled quite a bit with his team and Renee wanted to travel with him. On one hand, this meant that I stopped hearing the details of Renee's sex life, but on the other, it also meant that Phil was filling a void in Renee's life that I couldn't fill. He was truly her other half, which was great, but it was a bit much to be a hormonal teenager around the honeymooners. I decided I wanted to go live with Charlie the summer before my sophomore year in high school. Where Renee was more like a teenager than I was, Charlie was the complete opposite.

As the sheriff of the town of Forks, Washington Charlie was a local celebrity who wanted none of the attention. Forks officially had a population of right around 3000, and right now it felt like half the town was inside the Italian restaurant Charlie and I were sitting outside of. In this town, everyone knew my name just by association. Through high school it was both easy and hard to hide things from Charlie. There was one time Jake, Jessica, and I were experimenting with pot on First Beach. I was high as a kite and Charlie knew it from the second I walked in the door, but he just grunted, gave me a disapproving look and that was it. However, another time that we were busted drinking wine coolers at a football game, Charlie turned from dad to cop and started writing tickets for minors in possession. I smiled at the memory and leaned into my dad's shoulder as he sat next to me.

"Look, Bells, I know that getting engaged is probably a little overwhelming. When I asked your mother to marry me, I thought she would drop dead before I got the ring on her finger. She had a panic attack, much like you're having right now," he chucked, giving his moustache a slight twirl. "Everything will be fine once you get over the, um, you know, panic," he said, his eyes widening at his slip. "It's not a death sentence, I promise. I know you two will be fine. Jake's a great guy."

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. "Do you think Jake and I were meant to be together? Do you think he's my one true love?" I needed this affirmation from him.

"Well," he started, seeming to hesitate. "You've been together an awfully long time for as young as you are. I think it's clear he is your first true love. But, he's all you've really ever known." Charlie hit the nail on the head with that one sentence. Jake was all I had ever known.

Was he all I would ever know?

"Do you think that is OK? That he's all I've ever known in terms of a boyfriend? Why do I feel like I might miss out on something? Am I just settling?" The tears were freely flowing down my cheeks, my heart pounding against my chest, and my dad's hand patting my shoulder in an attempt to comfort.

"I can't answer that for you, Bella. You've got to answer it yourself. You know what is best for you, and it's ok to make a mistake. It's also OK to follow your heart every now and then and take a chance on love." Charlie sighed after saying the most insightful thing he'd said in quite some time. "Chin up, kid. Take a minute to pull yourself together and then come back in. Everyone is probably wondering where you are." I nodded solemnly as he stood to go back inside.

I took a few cleansing breaths and dabbed at my tears. I knew I would be splotchy, but there wasn't much else I could do. I steeled my reserve and started an internal pep-talk. I needed my nerves to take a hike and let me digest everything. I was suddenly tired and really just wanted to go home soon and go to bed. I told myself tomorrow would be a better day. Once the excitement wore off, the shock and disbelief would turn into happiness and love. It had to. Everything would be ok.

I would marry Jake, the only boy I'd ever loved, and we would live happily every after.

I ended up staying at Jake's house that night. We decided to have a quiet night together, never mentioning the engagement, but just having a normal evening in together. On the way home, we stopped to rent some DVD's that would occupy our brains for the next few hours. It really didn't matter to me what we watched, I knew I wouldn't remember them tomorrow anyway. He picked some movie that looked to be about a psychotic lunatic that put people in some sort of crazy contraptions. The poor souls then had to choose between life and death. I knew Jake would be entertained by the blood and gore and would probably talk about it for the next couple of weeks. It was definitely not a movie that would keep my interest, so I grabbed a book and settled down on the couch next to Jake.

Had it always been like this? Was it always going to be this way? I realized that, despite it even being my birthday that I was making a sacrifice so Jake would be happy. I guess I had never really paid attention to it before, and wasn't really sure what to think of it at this point. I wondered if this was a glimpse into what the rest of my life would be like as Jake's wife. I did know that my inner voices seriously needed to take a nap so that I could just lose myself in my book and have some quiet. I fell asleep about halfway through the movie. I woke up when Billy came through the front door, the gust of night air rushing through the room.

Billy had been great about attempting to give Jake and me some privacy. We both lived with our dads, and as young adults our hormones sometimes took priority to other activities. While our sex life was healthy, tonight it was not the leading item on my agenda. As I fought sleep, I tried to remember back to when things had been a bit more carefree.

We lost our virginity to each other when we were 16 and had been dating off and on for a year. Having sex that first time was really the point in our relationship where we decided we would definitely be boyfriend and girlfriend.

I sighed sleepily when I remembered that first time, in the backseat of his car, right outside in his makeshift garage. He loved that car, and it was kind of hot that he wanted me in the back of it. It was simple enough – Jake wanted to show me some big adjustment he had made to the car stereo, so we were sitting in the front seats listening to music or "testing out the speakers". Our heavy kissing let to heavy petting, and we had the great idea to move into the backseat right around the time Jake put his hand down my pants. I pulled his shirt off as we moved awkwardly, and I somehow managed to straddle him in the small space. Pants were unbuttoned, my shirt was discarded and my bra was a distant memory.

I remembered my reaction to seeing his naked body for the first time. As a teen in puberty, Jake was nearly six feet tall. I smiled looking at him, also remembering when he grew another five inches before we graduated. I must've looked like a deer stuck in headlights when I took in his naked body. Jake just smiled at me, melting my heart and sending warmth to places I was just becoming more familiar with. I remembered leaning over to look at his legs, paying attention to his well-defined calf muscles. I brought my gaze upward, focusing on his thick, muscular thighs that I knew were so strong from years of playing baseball. My tongue darted out to lick the soft hair that lined his legs. I continued my shameless staring, daring to touch his perfectly sculpted biceps. He wrapped those arms around me and I felt myself turning into putty. I felt his washboard abs against my chest, increasing the flush that I knew had to be on my face. My fingers traced the muscular V that led to the "promised land", his thick penis I would estimate as average. I tentatively touched it, wrapping my hand around it, which just fueled Jake's fire. He kissed what felt like every inch of my body, touching and teasing my body as he readied me. As he lay awkwardly against the door with his legs stretching across the backseat, I slowly lowered myself onto him, feeling myself stretch around him. Birth control never entered our young minds. The next few minutes were a blur. I traced the lines on Jake's face, thankful that things had improved with time and practice.

I knew I was fidgeting, and somehow Jake managed to stay asleep through my movement. I could hear Billy wheeling around the kitchen, so I got up to see if I could help him with anything. I found Billy now sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for his coffee to brew. I moved quietly and quickly to make my own cup of tea and sat down across from him at the old wooden table.

For a few minutes, the only sound in the house was that of our spoons clinking in our porcelain mugs.

"Billy, can I ask you something?" I watched as a smile met his eyes.

"Of course you can, Bella. What's on your mind?"

"When did Jake tell you he was going to propose to me?" I asked, fidgeting a bit more with my spoon.

"Well," Billy started with a reminiscent gaze, "The first time he told me he was going to marry you was the night of your senior prom. I remember him coming in the room all dressed up, holding your corsage, and saying that he didn't think anyone could make him smile the way you could. You've always made him so happy, Bella." He took a sip of his steaming beverage. "He said that night that he knew that you two would just always be together. Of course, I thought he was a bit young to be talking like that, but deep down, I knew I agreed with him."

I smiled gently at him, thinking back to that prom night.

_Jessica, Angela and I had gone to Port Angeles weeks before the big dance to pick out our dresses. _

_Jessica fell in love with this short, hot pink dress that showed off her impressive 16-year-old cleavage. It was tight, showing off her developing curves and the color was right for her blonde hair, blue eyed complexion. It reminded me of a shorter, sluttier version of Madonna's "Material Girl" dress, complete with a bow in the front. Angela and I laughed as she wiggled around the dress shop, forcing her to bend over and test to make sure the "girls" wouldn't come spilling out of her dress._

"_Trust me, Jess, you don't want somebody catching that and putting it on YouTube," Angela teased._

"_She might," I said, still laughing at Jessica's little impromptu dance. I knew I would've been mortified if anyone had seen that much of me on prom night, much less if it was saved forever on the Internet somewhere. I also knew that Jessica being Jessica would revel in any attention she received._

_Angela tried on a cute baby blue dress, complete with a little mermaid tail in the back. It was definitely more modest than Jessica's selection, but it was pretty and showcased Angela's dark features well._

_I settled on a simple red sequined dress. Black seemed too plain, white seemed to make me look more pale (if that was even possible), and red was the only other color that particular style came in. I knew the color wouldn't matter to Jake, but I still liked feeling pretty. Dressing up was not something I normally did, but even I knew the value of prom night. My normal sweatshirt and blue jeans wardrobe could be on hiatus that night in favor of this beautiful dress that I would likely only wear once. _

_The guys on the baseball team pooled their cash and got a limo for the evening. I thought it was a bit much, especially since our prom was going to be in the high school gym, not more than ten minutes away from any of our homes. I was one of the last stops on the way to the restaurant we were going to before heading to the school._

_I was applying my lip gloss in the bathroom when I heard Jake downstairs talking to Charlie. Since it was spring, professional baseball was getting started and they were talking about the Mariners. I laughed, glad that they had something to talk about that didn't involve fishing or guns._

_I rounded the corner to find Jake standing at the bottom of the stairs, white rose corsage in hand. He was breathtaking in his tux, and it took me a second to remind my feet to continue to move. I must've had the same effect on him, as Jake had this silly, open-mouthed look on his face. When I came to the bottom of the stairs, I took a moment to look him over. He had paired a white vest with his black tux, causing his dark skin to radiate. His black hair was perfectly gelled and sculpted, and his dark eyes were wide with anticipation._

"_What's with the face?" I asked, turning to make sure my dress was all in one piece._

"_Bella," he started, taking a deep breath. "You look beautiful." _

_I smiled back at him. "You're not so bad yourself, there. You clean up well," I said, laughing and giving him a little wink._

_He placed the corsage upon my wrist and we posed for the obligatory pictures. The whole thing was kind of surreal. I mean, sure Jake was my boyfriend and it was normal and natural for us to go to prom together. In my head, however, I knew that it was a little more than that. Jake was a catch. Not only was he sexy as hell, he had a great personality. Guys wanted to be Jake, and the girls wanted to be with Jake. I smiled to myself, knowing he was all mine. He was friendly with other girls, but he never really gave them a moment's notice. To my immature heart, this was all that mattered._

_When Jake moved to open the front door so we could go to the limo, I found myself staring at his ass. It was so firm and round and looked especially nice in the tuxedo he had rented for the evening. I was busted when I heard Charlie clear his throat._

"_You kids have fun. No alcohol," he warned, clapping Jake on the back and kissing me on my cheek._

_We dined at the only Italian restaurant in town, Café Rialto. The food wasn't bad, considering Forks was about as far from Italy as you could get. Our group quickly moved back into the limo and we prepared for our grand entrance to the prom._

_One of Jake's teammates and Jessica's date, Eric Yorkie, broke out a bottle of vodka in the limo and soon red Solo cups were being passed around. "A toast?" He asked, holding his cup in the air._

"_To us!" Jessica squealed, looking around for validation._

"_Here's to graduation!" Jake offered._

"_Here's to great friends and a great summer together," Eric finished and we all offered our salute and downed the clear liquid._

_Prom was pretty much like I expected. I was surprised that there was a DJ brought in from Seattle, but he kept everyone on the dance floor all night. Despite my protestations that I had two left-feet, Jake kept me occupied on the parquet for the majority of the evening. Once we had been named Prom King and Prom Queen, I tossed my heels under our table and continued to let Jake lead me around the dance floor. It didn't matter if it was trash disco or hip hop, our graduating class of 65 kept shaking their asses as if their lives depended on it._

_Being the last one picked up meant that I was the first one to be dropped off. Jake walked me to the door and held both of my hands while he stared into my eyes._

"_I love you, Bella Swan," he said, kissing each of my hands._

"_I love you, too, Jacob Black," I replied, standing on my tip-toes to kiss his lips._

"_Forever?" He asked with a crooked grin crossing his face._

"_And ever," I said, putting my arms around his neck._

"Bella?" Billy's voice snapped me out of my reverie. "Wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head. "You know, I think I knew that night we would just always be together, too. Funny that Jake knew it, too," I smiled gently. I stood and put my now empty cup in the sink. "I'm going to go on and get Jake into bed." I walked behind Billy, bending over his wheelchair and placed a kiss on his weathered cheek.

"Good luck with that one, Bells. Sleep tight," He said, turning toward me. "Oh, and happy birthday. I hope all of your dreams come true."

It took a few hard shoves, but finally Jake woke up enough to move from the living room couch to his bedroom. After changing into something more comfortable, I crawled into bed next to his sprawling frame. He rolled over, pulling me to him like he always did when we were in bed together.

I couldn't ignore the fact that everything was going to be different now. In one evening, I felt like my life and been flipped upside down. I still wasn't 100% convinced that getting married was the next best thing for our relationship, but I knew no matter what I would figure out the right thing to do. Maybe this was just the way things were supposed to be. Maybe everything would be fine. Maybe my heart would warm up to the idea eventually.

Jake was, after all, all I had ever really known. In a small town like Forks, he was likely my best candidate for a husband, anyway. Sleep finally overtook me as I turned my back toward Jake and watched the time tick by on the bedside clock.

I stirred as the bright sunlight streamed through the closed mini-blinds. After cautiously blinking a couple of times, I sat up and stretched. I ran my fingers through my messy hair, I realized that there was something new. My eyes flew to my left hand, carefully examining the diamond ring on my fourth finger.

Last night hadn't been a dream.

I really was engaged to Jake.

I threw myself back on my pillow, pulling the covers up over my head. "Wow," I whispered to myself. I tried to take a deep breath and quiet all of the thoughts that were starting to run through my mind. It just felt like everything was happening so fast.

We were only 21. In some ways, it felt like I had just met him; in other ways, I knew him better than I knew myself.

After a few more calming breaths, I sat back up knowing I had to face Jake as well as the rest of the world. I found some of Jake's old sweatpants on the floor and slid them on, tying the drawstring in a tight knot. I knew I looked ridiculous, but I really didn't care. I took a second look at the rumpled bed, knowing I should attempt to make it a little neater, but then decided I would want to hide there later, so I just kept things the way they were.

As I walked through the hallway, I could smell bacon and eggs from the kitchen. I stood nearby, taking in the scene unfolding before me. Billy, Jake and my dad were all bustling about the kitchen, arguing over Seahawks and their future schedule.

"I think the Seahawks are going to be a force to be reckoned with this year," Billy said, pulling some plates off the counter and placing them on the kitchen table.

"Are you kidding me, dad? You say that every year and every year, they have been terrible. The Cowboys are going to go all the way, but only if they can hold off the Eagles. I think this season is going to be a good one," Jake countered as he turned the bacon in the frying pan.

"Are the biscuits burning?" Charlie asked, turning from his post at the sink to check the oven. I giggled as he bumped into Jake in his haste to open the oven door. No smoke came billowing out, as per Charlie's usual, so it seemed like our breakfast was going to be a success.

"And this is why I do all of the cooking," I said, making my presence known. While Charlie was great with a fishing pole, but the kitchen appliances were a whole other story. I normally prepared a few meals at a time for him to freeze so the only thing he had to operate was the microwave. It was safer for our oven and our entire house that way.

Suddenly all eyes were on me.

"Good morning, baby," Jake said, pulling me into a tight embrace. "Did you sleep well?"

"It would've been much better if I didn't have a giant bear growling in my ear all night, but I slept OK," I said, smiling up at him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," he said with a hint of sarcasm as he kissed me on my forehead. Jake guided me over to the kitchen table, where he sat and pulled me into his lap.

"So, what's all of this?" I asked, looking around at the three men. "Breakfast for little old me?"

"Its not every day that your only daughter gets engaged," Charlie said, setting two plates down in front of Jake and I. "We thought a family breakfast was in order, since we're practically family now, anyway." I locked eyes with my dad, who had the audacity to wink at me. I chuckled at the thought of every weekend and holiday from now until the end of time, spent with the three men in my life who would inevitably spend their time arguing about sports.

"What do you two lovebirds have planned for today?" Billy asked, pulling up next to us to start eating. "It is perfect fishing weather, so the Sheriff and I were thinking about testing out our poles for a while, before the weather gets too cold and the fish take off downstream," he added. "Jake, did you take today off to spend with your fiancée? I bet Bella is ready to start the wedding planning," Billy ended with a raise of his eyebrows and a gentle smile.

My heart literally skipped a beat at his use of the word "fiancée".

"Of course I have today off, dad," Jake said, rolling his eyes. "I was actually thinking that we could go look at apartments," he said, turning me to face him. "I know of a few places in Port Angeles we could look at. What about a two bedroom that overlooks a pool, or something?"

I felt my jaw slacken and drop.

"Bella? Hello? Do you want to go to Port Angeles today?" Jake bounced his legs, jarring me out of my stare.

"Um, yeah, that sounds great. Just great. We should do that today. I'm sure our dads are ready for us to have our own place, especially if we are going to get….married," I said, taking a huge gulp of orange juice to keep me from choking on those last words.

"Great! We can leave after breakfast," Jake said, leaning over to finish his meal. We continued to eat together, the guys chatting about sports and motorcycles. I kept quiet in his lap, just lost in my own thoughts. Every now and then Jake would kiss me on my cheek or in my hair and I would be drawn back in momentarily.

He loved me. I loved him. I knew we could make a marriage work. We were generally happy together, I mean, he was my best friend and would always be the one person I knew I could disclose everything to. He knew everything about me and still loved me, regardless of my flaws and mistakes.

Mistake. Such an interesting word for my brain to choose to describe what others might call a learning experience. The word repeated in my brain like a mantra. Was this going to be a mistake? Was I going to make a mistake I couldn't take back?

Knowing that this self-sabotage was not healthy, I forced myself up and collected our plates and went to the sink. Cleaning had always been therapeutic, and there was no time like the present. After washing and drying everything, I turned to find Jake loading up the car for our little trip to Port Angeles. I showered quickly and threw my hair into a messy bun and met him outside.

We spent the entire day touring all of the apartment complexes in Port Angeles. It wasn't much bigger than Forks, but it was different which made it a bit more interesting. With each person we met, Jake would launch into his story about how we just got engaged and were searching for a two-bedroom (wink, wink) so we could start our lives together. In turn, we were offered congratulations and assorted stories on everyone's own happy ever after.

We took a break for lunch and ate at a little Mexican food restaurant near the center of town. I gladly slurped on a frozen margarita as I anticipated the conversation I had been avoiding all day.

"What's the deal, Bella? You seem a little distracted. You do want to move in together, right?" Jake asked in between bites of his nachos. "I mean, we can wait, if you want to. I just thought this would be the next step." I felt the guilt taking over my body through my sips of the frozen beverage. "I kind of hoped that we could live together before getting engaged, but I just couldn't wait anymore. I love you want I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

My internal monologue laughed at his little speech, as it seemed more fitting to have heard these things last night before he put the ring on my finger, but whatever. I shushed the warning bells and forced a smile on my face.

"I think I'm just overwhelmed," I said, searching for the right words to use. "My head is still spinning from last night. I mean, you kind of took me by surprise proposing to me in front of everyone. I knew it would happen someday, just not yesterday, on my birthday," I paused, trying to stop the verbal diarrhea. I softened the look on my face. "It was just a surprise, that's all."

"Well, we don't have to get married tomorrow or anything, you know. We can move at whatever speed you want. I was thinking the spring would be nice, but it's totally up to you. I mean, you'll be doing most of the planning, I guess, with your dress and the flowers and the invitations," he said, a far-away look in his eyes. "I bet you will look amazing," he said, reaching for my hands. My cold hands had nothing on my flushing face.

"Thanks," I said quietly. "I do want you to help me plan it, though. Its not just my day, it will be our day." I caught Jake's face break into a huge smile and it warmed my rapidly beating heart.

"I love hearing you say that. Our day," he said, trying it out for size. "It's going to be the best damn day ever," he said, raising his glass to mine. We finished eating, making small talk about everything and nothing at all.

"So, would you want to stay here tonight? In Port Angeles?" Jake asked, as he opened the car door for me. "I was thinking we could get a hotel room and spend a little quality time together. Naked," he added with a devilish smile. I smirked back at him.

"Naked? Without our dads in the next room? What ever would we be doing, Jacob Black?" I said playfully.

His eyes darkened and he leaned into my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my earlobe, sending a jolt straight to my thighs. "I plan on making love to my fiancée."

I just nodded my head. He needed no words from me. Some quality alone time sounded like just what we needed.

Minutes later, we had a reservation at a little bed and breakfast just on the west side of town. During our drive, we took note of the antique and furniture stores that made up the downtown square. We discussed the sorts of colors and furniture we wanted to use in our new home. Jake loved antiques, while I was definitely more modern and loved bold colors. I knew we would clash over things, but I started thinking that we could make this work. Our imaginary home was starting to form images in my head, and now that I could see it, I didn't think it would be such a bad thing.

As we continued our drive through the city, we started talking about our future at Port Angeles Junior College. After high school, we both delayed going to college in favor of working and trying to save money. We promised each other we would go back to school once we turned 21, so here we were. We had been planning on starting classes there together in January, and had both already been accepted. I had a real interest in music, and had been working in promotions for the local radio station. Granted, it was 1620 KFRK, Forks' Local Talk-News station, but it was giving me experience in the industry. I was able to network some with our sister stations based out of Seattle, helping with promotional events and the like on occasion, and I hoped it would translate into a career where I could combine my two loves of writing and music. Jake, on the other hand, was going to take some business classes to help him conquer his dream of opening an auto repair shop. He had been working for Old Mr. Barnes at Ricky's Auto Shop since he was 16, and had officially moved into the role of "apprentice" last summer. We knew that an education was important, and while it may have been put on hold for a couple of years, going to school was the first step in making our professional dreams come true.

We finally pulled into the tiny bed and breakfast, each of us giggling at the sight. I was pretty sure it hadn't seen any updates since before we were born. Once inside, I took in the blue, pink and white floral wallpaper and stifled any more laughter as we met the owner, Rose. Rose was an elderly lady, who I was certain was as old as the building we were standing in. She showed us to our room and mentioned that she hadn't had a young couple stay with her in quite some time.

As we crossed the threshold, I bumped into Jake who had suddenly stilled in front of me. In front of him was the biggest bed I had ever seen set upon a black wrought iron frame. The walls were white with black wainscoting, and everything in the room was black, red, or white. The room was an anomaly that definitely did not fit in with the rest of the décor in this place.

"Jake, look!" I said, pointing at the flat screen that hung on the wall behind us. Rose chuckled at my surprise and gave us a brief tour of the room. She was sweet and reminded me of a grandmother. My own grandparents had long been deceased, as were Jake's, so I think we took comfort in her showing us how to work things like the telephone and the remote control. After showing us where all of the extra linens were, Rose excused herself for the evening and said she would see us at breakfast.

As soon as the door closed, I flopped myself on the bed spreading my limbs like a starfish. "Can you believe this room? Jake! It's just like I was telling you in the car!"

Jake laughed and circled me like a predator. "It is nice, huh? I bet you thought we'd be sleeping in twin beds pushed up next to each other, right?" I laughed, because the thought had crossed my mind when we walked into the lobby.

"Jake, I seriously love this room," I said, moving to start checking out the labels on things. I wanted to know where Rose found the comforter, so I could have one just like it. "Can we make our bedroom look like this?"

"Our bedroom? I like the sound of that. And yes, Mrs. Black, you can decorate our bedroom however you want," He said, drawing me into him.

"Wow," I sighed. "Bella Black," I repeated. The nervousness I had been fighting for the last 24 hours threatened to rear its ugly head again. I took a deep breath and smiled at Jake. "You know, I think I'm going to go take a shower. It's been a long day in the car." Jake gave me a pat on my rear as I walked into the bathroom.

While letting the water heat up, I inspected myself in the mirror. "Bella Black," I whispered to myself. I undressed and stepped under the hot stream, closing my eyes and leaning my head under the water. As the water warmed my skin, I felt two hands encircle my waist.

"Jesus Christ! Jake!" I jumped. "You scared me. What are you doing?" I said, trying to calm my racing heart.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I thought I'd take a little shower with my fiancée," he said, watching the water trail down my skin. "I also thought you might like a little assistance," he said, touching his forehead to mine. His mouth twisted into a devilish grin, showing so much bravado that I questioned his sincerity.

"I'll admit this is a pleasant surprise," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning up to kiss him. The passion soared through his kiss and I was left breathless as his tongue caressed my lips. Attempting to quell all of the internal dramatics, I closed my eyes and gave in.

For the first time since last night, things started to feel right again.

Jake slowly pushed me up against the wall as the warm water continued to run down my body. He moved from my mouth and began peppering kisses from my ear to my neck. My hands found purchase on his hips, holding him in place. Shower sex was something new for us, since we were constantly in a rush to avoid anyone overhearing us. He continued his downward trail and his hands locked with mine. Jake raised my arms over my head and held them there with one of his large hands.

"Stay," he commanded, sending an anticipatory shiver down my spine. His free hand continued exploring, tweaking my nipple before landing his mouth on my breast. I leaned my head back against the tile and groaned softly.

"Yes," I managed to say, my breath caught in my throat. He leaned into me and I could feel every inch of his warm skin. His erection was pushing into my stomach and I gasped as his hips began a slight rocking motion. He lifted my right leg to hitch around his hip, changing our position so I could feel his hardness push against my hot center. He rubbed the head of his cock back and forth, preparing me for his entry. When he finally thrust up and joined our bodies, I let out another moan. "God, Jake, yes," I stuttered.

That half-smirk returned on his face. "You like that?" He asked, his eyes never leaving mine. I could see in his face how much he loved me, especially right now when we were just being us. I felt him move inside me, pulling almost all the way out and thrusting into me again, settling with a smooth, steady pace. "Jesus, Bella, this feels so good," he muttered, leaning his head against my shoulder.

He was right. It felt good. It felt right. I could feel my doubts begin to wash down the drain with the water that was cascading off our bodies. My hands were running through his hair, down his muscled back and finally grabbed on to his ass, encouraging him to continue thrusting. One look into his dark eyes and I was lost all over again.

He kept kissing me, his breath lingering with mine as he brought his mouth from mine down to the hollow behind my ear. He eventually found my collarbone as I tilted my head to give him better access. As he sucked and nibbled there, his free hand massaged my breast, nearly sending me into orbit. His fingers pinched my nipple, and then moved to show my other breast the same attention.

"Shit, Jake," I managed to spit out, feeling the warmth overtake the inside of my body. His pace had quickened, so I knew he was close to his own release. "Don't stop," I ordered, running my hands over his chest. I didn't want this moment to pass me by, so I closed my eyes and relished the sensations I was feeling.

"Put your arms around my neck," he demanded. When I did, Jake lifted my other leg and supported my entire weight and he pushed me into the wall. "Damn, baby, yes, like that," he sputtered, his hips grinding into mine.

"Cum with me, Jacob." I knew the use of his full name would rile him up further, and I was met with his frantic movements. "I love you, babe," I cooed, inching us both closer to our release. After two more hard thrusts, I exploded, clinching around him and milking him completely as he rode out his orgasm.

"God damn it, Bella," he said, placing more kisses on my shoulder as his heart continued to pound against my chest. "I love you, too. I can't believe you're going to be my wife," he said, pulling out of me and placing both of my legs back on the ground. We stood there for a few moments, regaining our breath and regulating our heart beats. I heard Jake chuckle and I looked up to meet his gaze. "That was something else, huh?"

I giggled and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. He placed his hands on my face and peppered small chaste kisses on my forehead, my eyes, my cheeks and finally my lips.

"Jake, I do love you. We're going to get married and be together forever," I said, feeling the urge to tell him everything I hadn't been able to say for the last 24 hours. "You're all I know in this world and all I want to know. I want this. I'm sorry I've been so distant today, but this will be forever for me." I felt tears welling up and blinked quickly to keep them at bay.

Despite looking a little confused by my sudden emotional outburst, Jake smiled and placed another kiss on my lips. "Bella, I've always known we would end up together. You're going to be my wife, we're going to have some kids and everything will be perfect. You'll see," he said with a wink.

"Some kids?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Really?"

"Really," he countered, handing me a soapy washcloth. "Finish up before we run out of hot water." We quickly bathed each other, laughing when the hot water ran out before Jake could get all of the shampoo out of his hair.

We crawled into bed wearing only our underwear, and I snuggled into his side as usual. I was exhausted. It had been a long 24 hours and I needed to put my mind at ease and just sleep.

I woke up early and stared at the clock. 6:04 am. The room was still dark, so it was easy just to daydream. I had no clue what planning a wedding would be like, nor did I really know where to start. I grabbed my cell phone and pulled up the calendar. I needed a date. Jake had mentioned the spring, and I thought that could be nice, but I didn't want it to be near any holidays. I allowed myself to envision a ceremony, somewhere outdoors with maybe 30-40 people present. I wanted to incorporate some of the Indian tribal rituals that were so important to Jake's ancestry. I wasn't quite sure what all that would entail, and I made a note to ask Billy about it later. I smiled to myself and rolled over to look at my sleeping fiancé.

Only he wasn't asleep. "Jake! How long have you been awake?"

"Just a few minutes. What are you doing with your phone?" He asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I picked a date. What do you think about June 19th? Its almost summer, its not near any holidays, we could have the ceremony outside," I rattled on, barely remembering to breathe. "It will be enough time to plan everything, I bet. I mean, I don't know what all I need to do, but I'm sure I can ask Jessica. We've got to pick the place, the invitations, my dress, the cake," I continued when Jake put his hand over my mouth.

"Cake?" He asked with a smile crossing his face.

"Cake. You know, wedding cake?" I asked, confused.

"Why don't you leave the wedding cake up to me? I think I can handle that," he chuckled as he rolled on top of me.

"OK, I hereby give you cake duty, Jacob Black." I laughed and placed little kisses on his face and neck.

"You taste like cake, Bella Swan," he said, returning the favor. I sighed and felt a sense of contentment wash over me.

I needed Jake like I needed air. I wanted him to need me with the same desperation, and I was sure that he did. He may have been all I had known, but right now in this moment, he was all I ever needed.


	2. There's Going to be a Wedding

Chapter 2 – There's Going to be a Wedding, BPOV

_So I drink and I smoke and I ask you if you're ever around_

_Even though it was me who drove us right into the groun_

_See the time we shared, it was precious to me_

_But all the while, I was dreamin' of revelry_

_Gonna run, baby, run_

_Like a stream down a mountainside_

_With the wind in my back, I won't ever even bat an eye_

_Just know it was you all along that had a hold of my heart_

_But the demon in me was a best friend from the start_

_So the time we shared, it was precious to me_

_All the while, I was dreamin' of revelry_

_**Revelry – Kings of Leon**_

I am surrounded by lace, taffeta, satin and tulle.

I am certain I am in hell.

There will be a wedding in a little less than eight months.

Jake and I moved into one of the apartments we had seen in Port Angeles a couple of weeks ago. Between packing, moving, unpacking and work, I hadn't had a whole lot of time to focus on the wedding.

Our wedding.

After agreeing on the date and the fact that it was going to be a small affair, Jake and I hadn't really talked about the wedding again. He had been busy with work, and I managed to throw myself into my job in his absence. The marketing department from another station had me doing some side-jobs, still promotions, so nothing big.

Moving in with Jake had been a major adjustment. I was used to living with my dad, a pretty reserved guy who took care of himself for the most part. Jake, on the other hand, was a bit different. He was messy. And big. And sweaty. He seemed to always be in my way, whether I was in the kitchen, the bathroom, or my closet.

I was feeling a little claustrophobic.

Jessica had called me every single day since my birthday to find out what sort of progress I had made on the wedding plans. On the 12th day, I finally caved.

"Hey, Jess? Do you want to go look at dresses with me?" My question was met with squeals I was certain a dog could hear. "I take that as a yes?"

"Of course, Bella! How fun! Do you know what style you want? Sleeveless? Off the shoulder? Halter? Do you want a train? Beading? Lace?"

I swear the girl was a walking encyclopedia of all things wedding, which was good, because I was the complete opposite.

"I haven't even thought about it. I was hoping you could help," I offered, knowing she would have me spinning around in the store within the first 30 minutes. "Isn't that what the Maid of Honor is supposed to do?" Call me crazy, but it seemed like the best thing to do at the time.

"Oh my God, Bella! Maid of Honor? Are you kidding me? Oh my God," she rattled. "Oh, Bella, I have a perfect look for you in mind," Jessica said, starting to get lost in her own thoughts.

We agreed to meet at the little bridal shop in downtown Port Angeles within the hour. Jessica nearly tackled me on the sidewalk in a strong hug.

"Maid of Honor? Really? I am so happy you asked me, Bella, really I am." Her face was flushed and her smile was infectious. I knew asking her to be in the wedding was a good decision, if only because I secretly hoped she would help do a lot of the planning.

There were bolts of fabric along one wall, all white, but different textures and fabrics. Hundreds of white dresses lined the opposite wall, jutting out at varying degrees of skirt width.

"Good afternoon, ladies," the shop manager greeted. "Which one of you is the lovely bride-to-be?"

"I am," I said, placing a practiced smile on my face.

"Let's see the ring," she said, reaching for my left hand. "What a beauty! Is this antique?"

I glanced at my hand in hers. "It was his grandmothers."

"What a great story! So, what did you have in mind," She asked, effectively opening Pandora's Box. Jessica had already moved to the dress wall, and was moving the white monstrosities aside to see what all the store had to offer.

"Well, we're having a June wedding on the beach," I said, keeping a careful eye on Jessica. "It's going to be small. I guess I want my dress to be the same way."

"Small?" Shop lady actually laughed at my slip. I felt my cheeks flush.

"Yeah, small. I don't really see myself wearing a big poufy dress, or even heels for that matter," I said. I smiled and looked at my clumsy feet. "A small dress. One that is less fluff and that I could wear my Converse with," I said, starting to giggle. The image of me in white Chucks with the dress was actually comforting.

"Bella!" Jessica gasped. "You aren't serious about the Converse, are you?"

I looked at my feet and pointed down. "I think I am. I've got some white ones I could wear and everything," I said, the giggles turning into laughter.

The shop manager looked confused as Jess and I continued starting at each other.

"Well, if you're serious, then," Jess turned her back to me and went back to the dresses.

Wearing Converse with my wedding dress might've been the best idea I'd had in the last month or so. I would match comfort with practicality.

"What about a veil?" Shop lady asked, treading carefully.

"No veil."

"Bella!" Jessica gasped again. "You are taking all the fun right out of this!" Her lips formed a pout on her face.

As the next hour passed, I tried on eight dresses of varying styles and Jess had tried on 4 different bridesmaid dresses. She kept eyeing the white gowns, giving looks of approval if she saw something she liked.

"Why don't you try one on, just for kicks," I offered, knowing I still hadn't found my perfect dress.

"Really? You think? Isn't that bad luck?" Jessica asked, wide-eyed, turning from the dress wall to look at me. "I mean, I guess I could," she said, turning back to the dress wall. I smiled, knowing it should be Jessica that we were shopping for first and not me.

That's right.

I always thought Jessica would get married first out of the two of us. I might as well buy into that fantasy a little while taking a small break from the taffeta parade.

Jessica carefully selected a dress, veil, and shoes and disappeared behind the curtains. I started counting proverbial sheep in my head, waiting for her to show off her choice. I had just counted to fifty when I heard her squeal.

"Oh my God, Bella! This is totally going to be my wedding dress!" With a flourish normally reserved for Vanna White, Jessica threw the dressing room curtain back and took two steps forward.

According to the shop manager, Jess selected a dress with a white satin beaded corset and beaded tulle ballgown skirt. I wasn't sure what all that meant, but I could tell you that it looked like there were at least three small children trapped under her skirt. It was white; it was pretty; and it definitely suited Jessica more than me.

"Jess, it really is beautiful," I commented as she twirled around the room. She had added some white wrist length gloves and a rhinestone encrusted tiara to her ensemble. It reminded me of Cinderella.

"Bella, if I had the money, I would buy this right now and just hang onto it until my wedding day," she said, holding the skirt out and still practicing pirouettes in front of the mirror. "Oh my God, I just love it so much!"

I laughed and leaned back onto the settee. "It suits you, it really does." I could envision Jess walking down a long church aisle, her gigantic skirt brushing against the pews as she walked on the arm of her dad. Her groom would have to stand a good two feet away from her, so as to not step on the dress.

"OK, it may suit me, but which one is going to suit you?" Jess walked back over to the dress wall. "You haven't tried this one on yet. What about this one?" In her hands was a dress that looked more ivory than white. The fabric looked flowy, and it actually looked pretty conservative. "You could even wear your Converse with it."

I took the dress from her and went behind the curtains.

"Now that dress, Bella, is a knit jersey fabric. There's some embroidery on the shoulders and under the bustline, which will look really nice on you," Shop Lady offered as I was disrobing. "That jersey fabric will look great on the beach."

I took a step back and stared at my reflection. I hardly recognized myself in the dress. I started to run my fingers through my hair and was stopped by the diamond on my left hand.

I was getting married. In a little less than eight months, I would be Mrs. Jacob Black. Bella Black. Jake and Bella Black. My heart started to beat erratically and I took a couple of breaths in an attempt to calm down.

"Come on, Bells! Let's see it!"

I gently pushed back the curtains and displayed my dress for my onlookers.

"It's perfect."

Jessica's eyes bulged out of her head and I realized that I actually said the words out loud. Within the next half hour, I was the proud owner of my wedding dress. No veil, no fuss, no muss, and I was definitely wearing my Converse.

We picked out a shorter dress for Jessica. The shop lady called it "Pistachio", which to me was more of a sea green color. It was made out of chiffon and had a ruched bust, which really just meant Jessica's boobs would be on display. She was definitely excited about that turn of events.

"Jake is going to die when he sees you in your dress, Bella," Jessica said as we walked back to the car. "I can't wait to see his face!"

We stopped at a nearby coffee shop to soothe our feet and my nerves needed a little pick-me-up. My internal monologue was talking in a rapid pace and I was hoping the caffeine would shut it up temporarily.

The dress was purchased. I was one step closer to sealing the deal. Sure, I had my doubts. I mean, that was normal for a young bride, right? Didn't everyone under the age of 21 who was engaged wonder if there was something bigger and better waiting for them around the corner? How many people really found their soul mate in high school? I'm sure the statistics weren't that great. I mean, look at Charlie and Renee. They got married young and got divorced young, too. It was scary to think that we could be going through this big dog and pony show, only to end up hating each other in a few years.

I sat quietly while Jess continued to talk. I stirred my hot tea and wondered if she ever stopped talking. I had known the girl for six years, and I wasn't completely sure she had breathed during that entire time period. I shook my head and looked for answers in my big brown mug.

She never noticed a thing.

Fall turned into winter, and the wedding planning was slowly coming along. Even though Jake was excited at one time about it being "our" day, it was truly becoming "my" day. I scouted the locations (First Beach in LaPush), I selected the invitations (made my own from Target), I selected the music (a DJ friend from the Seattle station made me two iPod playlists for the ceremony and reception), and now it was time to determine the food and cake. Oh, and the flowers. I had to figure out the flower situation, too.

If Jake had been little help, Charlie and Billy had been no help at all. One of the ladies from the Indian Reservation, Sue Clearwater, had offered to help me and I was seriously thinking of asking her. I prided myself in being so independent, but I really had no idea what I was doing at this point. Was there anywhere in Forks or Port Angeles that would cater? Did we even have the money for this? Jessica had been performing her "Maid of Honor" duties by sending me lists each week of places I could call for information, but honestly, I was just tired of doing everything on my own.

With the New Year, Jake and I enrolled at Port Angeles Community College just as we had promised our parents and each other. I was taking a full class load and Jake was just taking two classes. Most of my classes were just "basics", but I was really enjoying my social media class and I was acing Freshman English.

It was one evening in February, right around Valentine's Day, that Jake and I decided to have "date night". When he wasn't studying, he was busy at the auto shop, restoring an old Jaguar. I had the feeling that I was beginning to play second fiddle to an inanimate object. I begged Jake to come home early from work one night and just spend time with me. Our sex life sucked. I could count on one hand the amount of times we had had sex since New Year's. This was unusual for us, and I was bothered even more that we lived together and had privacy and still couldn't find the time to be together intimately.

We went to dinner in town and within minutes, we were arguing.

"Bells, you know I don't care. Just do whatever you think will be best," Jake said, folding his napkin and placing it on the table.

"That's the problem, Jake. I'm trying to do what I think is best. This isn't a one-person operation, it's our wedding. You know, the one time the two of us will go before God and everybody to declare our love for one another?" I stopped, thinking I was starting to sound a little too much like Jessica. I rolled my eyes at the thought and took a deep breath. "You told me when you proposed that you would help however I needed you to. I'm asking you to help because I need you to. Jesus Christ, Jake, just do something."

Jake's dark eyes bore into me.

"Fine. What do you want me to do?"

I realized at that moment that Jake really had no idea what I had or had not done for the wedding.

"How about the cake? Can you handle choosing the cake?" My eyes pleaded him to answer this question correctly.

"Vanilla. Next?" Jake sat back, looking all too pleased with himself.

"Vanilla? That's it?" I was honestly stunned.

"Sure, that's it. What else is there to figure out?"

Vanilla. Jake wanted vanilla. It was clear he didn't know that you just didn't _do_ wedding cakes in vanilla. I had looked at some cake websites; I knew there were almost twenty different ways you could have a wedding cake. I didn't expect Jake to know this, but I expected a little more than a one-word answer.

"You want a vanilla cake. What kind of icing?" My brain was swimming with words like fondant, butter cream, Italian crème, black forest, turtle and raspberry liqueur. All Jake could say was effing vanilla? Seriously?

"White icing. Tell them to put some flowers on it, or something, if that makes you happy, Bella," Jake scoffed when he saw that I rolled my eyes. Did he think I was getting the cake from Wal-Mart?

"I suppose you would be ok if I had them write 'Congratulations Bella and Jake' on it in icing, too?"

Jake nodded. "Whatever you want, B."

It took every ounce of restraint I had to not jump up and throw something at him. "Fine. Thanks, Jake, that really helped me a ton." Despite my voice being rich with sarcasm, I knew Jake missed it.

"I'm telling you, I'm here to help. What else do we need to do?" Jake placed his napkin back in his lap and resumed eating, like we were just having a normal conversation about the weather.

I resigned myself to the fact that I was just going to plan the rest of the wedding and reception without any input from him. I had been doing just fine until now, albeit I was a little overwhelmed, but I knew I could do this. I was a smart girl with good instincts. I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class. I could plan a budget conscious wedding.

"Nothing, Jake. There is nothing else we need to do."

_The bar was dark and the music was loud. The floor was crowded with people, some singing, some dancing, others drinking their cares away while the music continued. I drew a design on my glass where the condensation had formed while I took in the scene just to my left. _

_The band had an awesome energy, drawing in everyone that came into the bar. The regulars were taking notice, turning around from their normal posts at the bar, to see what the commotion was about. There was a group of girls toward the front that I would've guessed to be sorority girls. To the right of the sorority girls was a group of large men – a basketball team? – doing shots and trying to flirt with the pretty girls._

_Just another night in a bar._

_The music kept drawing me in. I kept trying to make sense of the lyrics, jotting some of them down in my phone for future reference. The words sounded familiar, but the tune was different from what I remembered. _

_If you wake up and don't want to smile_

_If it takes just a little while_

_Open your eyes and look at the day_

_You'll see things in a different way*_

_I couldn't make out their faces. I could see figures on the stage, moving around, cooperating with each other. Their voices were melodic, and something about that song was haunting me. I continued to nurse my drink._

_I could feel the change in the crowd behind me when I turned to the bar. "Another round," I motioned to the bartender, turning back to see what was going on. The band was going on a break and regular music had started to filter through the room. The collegiate crowd was starting to co-mingle, creating a social experiment worthy of watching. _

_I made some additional notes in my phone, creating a review of the very band I had been enjoying, and had the feeling someone was watching over my shoulder. When I moved to put my phone in my back pocket, I inadvertently elbowed someone._

"_So sorry," I said sweetly, hoping not to catch an elbow back in my rib. I kept turning to see who I had potentially injured and was met with a warm, muscular chest._

"_You're fine," Sweet Voice said, eyes looking in the opposite direction. I couldn't make out his face with him looking the other way, so I moved a little bit to my left to try and catch his attention. No such luck. "I need a JB," Sweet Voice said, tapping on the bar when the bartender walked up._

_I recognized his form instantly. He was all male, tall, kind of lanky, but definitely defined. It was the same form I had been admiring with the guitar on the right side of the stage. I had to talk to him – I had to hear the Sweet Voice again._

"_I should've been more careful. You were great up there, by the way," I said, stammering my way through a blush. "Oh, and I'm not a groupie," I added for extra mortification._

_Sweet Voice laughed and took a sip of the highball in front of him. "That's what they all say."_

_I pulled my phone out to offer proof. "No, really, look," I said, entering into the "Notes" application on my phone. I selected the first entry and let him read._

"_You're that girl from that website, right?" He asked, recognition dawning. "Shit. I should be buying you a drink or something." He smiled and my panties melted. "Come with me," he said, grabbing my arm and taking me toward the stage._

_This was turning out nicely, I thought to myself. I was going to get to meet the rest of the band and I could file my story early and head home! Being a music reviewer had its perks, and staying out late could either be seen as a blessing or a curse. I knew I had left a load of laundry in the washing machine, so I needed to get home soon._

_I followed Sweet Voice behind the stage, where only a few people were milling around. They were quick to disappear when we rounded the corner and Sweet Voice led me over toward the back exit door. _

"_Right here," he growled, pushing me up against the door. My breath hitched in my chest, my heart rate accelerating. Sweet Voice leaned into my neck, his muscular frame measuring up against mine. His hot breath warmed my skin, only to cool it seconds later when I felt his tongue dart out for a taste. "You," he said, peppering open mouthed kisses on my neck._

_Me? Me what? I wanted to walk away from Sweet Voice, but I felt like I was being hypnotized by him. My feet were frozen to the ground while my back was melting into the door. I was fire and ice all at once. _

_Sweet Voice continued his assault on my neck as I stood still as a statue. The flames behind me were burning my soul, and eventually they spread to Sweet Voice. I felt my body begin to turn to ash._

"_Bella?"_

_I never told Sweet Voice my name. Wait. That wasn't Sweet Voice._

"_Bella? Bella, come on!"_

_*"Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)" – Fleetwood Mac_

"Bella? Bella, come on!" Jake groaned, throwing my arm off of him. He turned his back toward me and pulled a pillow over his head.

What the hell?

I took stock of my current environment. The digital clock read 3:19, Jake was stealing all of the covers and my leg was hitched over his hip. Had I been humping him in my sleep? My panties were damp and I could tell my heart rate was elevated.

Oh my God. All this and Jake turned me down? First of all, I never threw myself at Jake for sex. It was always something that just happened, although not so much recently. Second of all, Jake turned me down? Are you serious? I was all worked up and everything.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember. I kept hearing a song in my head, but didn't know the lyrics, just the tune. It was an old song, one I knew Charlie used to sing to me when I was little. It was bothering me that I couldn't remember the words. What was my dream about? Why was I so hot? I huffed and swung my feet to the floor, standing up and stretching. Sleep had obviously bid me farewell for the night, so I decided to go into the living room and turn on the TV, so I wouldn't bother Jake.

I knew nothing would keep my attention, but managed to find a movie on anyways. It looked like a comedy that was based around college. These guys hadn't been accepted into any colleges, so they decided to make their own. It was stupid, but I still found myself giggling on occasion. A song started playing during one of the scenes and I felt goose bumps spread up and down my arms.

It was that damn song in my head!

I turned up the volume, not caring about Jake anymore, and listened.

_If you wake up and don't want to smile_

_If it takes just a little while_

_Open your eyes and look at the day_

_You'll see things in a different way_

_Don't stop thinking about tomorrow_

_Don't stop, it'll soon be here_

_It'll be, better than before,_

_Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone_

I watched a little more of the movie, trying not to focus on that stupid song that now wouldn't leave my head, and finally fell asleep.

Jake and I didn't speak of the great sex brush-off of 2009, and I was pretty sure that Jake and I both were becoming quite skilled in the self-gratification department. February turned into March and eventually spring was here. In addition to going to school and working, I managed to plan the rest of our little wedding. I chose the cake (pineapple), flowers (greenery with some hibiscus, birds of paradise and ginger) and made all of the arrangements with the caterer (barbeque, to stick with my unofficial Hawaiian theme). I told Jake to pick his own suit and to make sure that Billy had one, too, since he was going to be Jake's Best Man. The invitations were sent, the RSVP's were coming in, and I had even chosen our first dance song ("Crazy Love" by Van Morrison).

Time was moving at warp speed and there was nothing I could do about it.

The week before the wedding, our friends hosted Bachelor and Bachelorette parties for Jake and I. Jessica had called my mom and some of our friends from high school, and they were going to take me into Seattle for a night of fun. I wasn't really sure what Jake and his friends were going to do; the less I knew about certain things the better. Charlie and Billy were going to be present for at least part of the night, so I really didn't think they could get into too much trouble.

Renee rented a suite at a hotel near downtown and the girls surprised me with a lingerie shower. Champagne was flowing and we were all giggling at each new treasure I unveiled.

"Bella! Look!" Jessica shook a previously discarded bag and was rifling through the tissue paper. "You missed something!" She threw the bag back at me, which landed in my lap.

"Handcuffs?" I said, knowing my skin was turning red. "Mom, really?"

"Well, Bells, you never know! Jake might like to be a little tied up from time to time," she said, wiggling her eyebrows. She held her champagne flute up to offer a cheer, while I just shook my head and downed the rest of my glass.

"What's next?" I asked, rooting through the other gifts. Angela and Lauren, two of our friends from high school, were huddled near the desk talking on the phone. "What are you two up to?"

"Nothing, Bella! Just ordering some room service, you know, to help us sober up a little bit," Angela said with a giggle. She looked lit. Lauren just smiled and ended her conversation, placing the headset back on the cradle.

"It should be up in about 10 minutes," Lauren said, winking at Jessica. "Here's another gift, Bella," Lauren said, handing me a bag. "I think this is from Jake," she said, trying to get affirmation from Jessica.

"Yep, Bells, he sent it with me. I should've had you open it first!" Jessica said, pouring herself another drink and refilling mine and Renee's glasses.

I wasn't so sure about opening a lingerie type gift from my fiancé in front of my friends. I mean, not that our sex life had been worth even talking about in recent months, but still. This was my mom and my friends. Taking another long sip of the bubbly, I took a deep breath and began removing tissue paper from the zebra-striped bag.

"Oh my God, Bella!"

I wasn't sure who said it, but judging from the looks on their faces, everyone in the room was thinking it. In my hands was a black lace cat suit with slits where my nipples and crotch would be. Oh my God, indeed.

"Jeez, Bella! Who knew Jake would like something like this?" Jessica screeched, taking the item from my hands for a closer inspection. "Wow! I mean, I thought Jake had it in him, but wow! I'm guessing he really will enjoy those handcuffs, huh?"

I found Renee drinking straight from the bottle at this point and wished I had a straw so she could share.

I wasn't embarrassed, per se, by Jake's gift. It was just not something that I would've thought that he would've liked. I was normally a baby-doll and panties type of girl – not this lacey cat suit creature, but I was willing to try it at a future date.

There was a knock on the door and I hopped up, relieved for the distraction. I pulled the door open to reveal a deliveryman, dressed in what looked like a UPS uniform. He was about 6'1" with broad shoulders and huge, muscular arms that were holding a big brown box. My eyes continued their descent down his frame and I nearly salivated after looking at his other package and his defined legs. If only I could see his ass…

"Delivery for Bella Swan?" UPS guy asked, seeking approval.

Giggles engulfed the room. "That's me," I stammered, thinking I had been caught staring at his, uhm, package. "Do I need to sign something?" I had no clue who this could've been from. I had everyone I knew with me and I had already opened something from Jake. I didn't think he had it in him to send me a surprise for my party.

UPS guy smiled a devilish smile that I was sure had melted panties in its wake. "Why don't you just check out your package and see what you've got," he said. "I didn't mean to interrupt your party," he continued, his voice rich with innuendo. I didn't even notice that Jessica was at my side, staring at the handsome delivery guy.

"Go ahead, Bella, open it," she said, nudging me toward the box that now sat at the UPS guy's feet. Inside the big brown box was a stereo with a note that read "Push Play".

The room was filled with the sounds of "Push It" by Salt-n-Pepa. My eyes flew open wide and I searched the room for the culprit. Everyone was laughing and had now formed a small circle around me and the UPS guy. Somehow he had made it in the middle of the hotel living room and he was pushing me toward the couch.

Oh my God.

I knew my face was the shade of a cherry tomato; I could feel the heat envelope my face. I stumbled and finally took a breath when the back of my legs hit the couch and my butt bounced on the cushion. UPS guy was in front of me, facing the other direction, so I was eye-level with his ass.

It was as nice as the rest of him and I instantly had to sit on my hands to avoid actually touching him. I wasn't allowed to touch him, right? UPS guy bent over, causing me to move my head back.

Shit.

I could've licked his butt cheek it was so close. I closed my eyes momentarily and took a deep breath.

Oh my God.

When I opened my eyes, UPS guy's pants were off and he was standing in front of me in bikini briefs. He looked pretty happy to see me. The girls were laughing and cheering him on, getting louder and more outrageous when he started thrusting his hips toward my face. Renee handed me a stack of dollar bills and just winked.

My own mother wouldn't save me now.

My mind was racing. This guy was hot and he was touching all over me. I nearly fainted when he kneeled down in front of me and put my legs over his shoulders, continuing to gyrate up my body.

Oh yeah. I was wearing a dress.

He continued grinding all over me, pulling the girls in for a few seconds of fun so no one would feel left out. I had never seen a stripper up close like this and honestly wouldn't have minded a few more minutes with him.

Wait a second. What?

I was getting married to Jake in seven days. Jake, my best friend, who I had known forever, was going to be my husband. I was going to be Bella Black! And here I was, having crazy sexy thoughts about the nameless UPS stripper at my bachelorette party. Something didn't feel right. As usual, I tried to quell my inner monologue, but the drunk bitch wouldn't stop talking.

Damn, that guy was stacked! His arms were so big, not to mention his dick looked pretty big, too. Wonder what he could've done with that? Did he have any friends? He could've called them up and joined our party. All the other girls were single, except for Renee – I would be doing them a favor.

I smiled, proud of my crazy thoughts, until I realized that everything was just wrong. I didn't feel right being here, doing this, getting ready for the next week's big event.

With a deep breath and new resolve, I just kept drinking until eventually the night was over and I was safely asleep in the giant hotel bed. Alone.

The next morning, we spent some time in the city enjoying a nice brunch and some shopping. The girls were all nursing hangovers, but still managing to talk a mile a minute as we ventured from store to store. I knew I was lost in my own head, my thoughts overwhelming any urge I had to shop or sightsee.

"Honey, what's wrong? You seem a little off today," Renee said, putting her arm around my shoulders. "Are you feeling guilty about the stripper we had? I promise we had Jake's approval before we hired him."

I shook my head. "I'm fine, mom, just lost in a day dream, I guess," I said hesitantly. Was I really fine, though? I didn't think so, but I couldn't get my mind to slow down so I could compute. This was supposed to be the happiest time of my life – my wedding. Yet, at times, I felt like I was just nearing a black hole full of despair.

OK, maybe I was being a bit melodramatic.

"Are you getting cold feet about the wedding?" Renee's voice sliced through my inner monologue like a needle had just been picked up off a record.

"What? No! No, of course not," I stammered, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth.

"I know that look, Isabella Marie. It's perfectly normal to be nervous about your wedding day, sweetheart. This is a huge step you're about to make!" A big smile crossed her face and warmed her eyes. I tried to return the gesture, but failed. I knew she was right. A wedding was just a big step on the path of life. You date someone, fall in love, move in together, get married, buy a house, have kids, and grow old together. Right? I mean, that's how the path of life looks on the board game, at least.

"I know mom, and you're right. I guess I'm just nervous. I'll be fine. I really just want to get it over with so we can move on with the rest of our lives." I hoped my affirmation would quiet Renee's mothering sensibilities, and thankfully, it did. I retreated back into my own brain where my thoughts continued to spin me around.

When you look up "love" in the dictionary, you get phrases like "feel tender affection for someone"; "feel desire", "like something very much". According to the dictionary, I loved Jake. According to my heart and soul when we are together, it just feels like something is missing. Have I been confusing passion and lust with love? Or am I really trying to just talk myself out of this?

"You know, Bella," Renee said, capturing my attention once again. "You don't have to go through with it unless you are 100% sure this is what you want. I don't want to see you kids end up like Charlie and me. I still feel guilty for just leaving him."

For the first time in months, my brain shut off and I was left speechless. I had never heard my mother make any sort of concessions for how she treated my dad.

She continued to stroke my back and play with my hair as we walked the streets of Seattle. Hours passed and we were all home. There was nothing else to plan. I relished the dreamless sleep I had that night.

The week passed by in a flurry of movement. It felt like the next time I opened my eyes, it was Saturday and I was in La Push being poked and prodded (read: massaged and made up) for the ceremony. I argued with Jessica about my hairstyle and found myself running my fingers through my overly hairsprayed locks in an attempt to smooth it out a bit. I didn't need everything to be perfect. Perfect wasn't me.

I looked up and realized everyone was dressed and sipping on champagne. I was dressed and ready to go. All I needed was the clock to make its way another 30 minutes and I would be on my way to becoming Mrs. Jacob Black.

Renee joined us in the parlor and handed me a small velvet box. "Mom, you didn't have to get me anything," I started, rubbing my fingers over the soft fabric.

"I know, Bella. Just open it." Inside the box was a silver chain with a teardrop shaped emerald. "It was your great-great grandmother's. She passed it to her daughter and so on. I wore it when I married your father."

It was beautiful. Tears threatened to spill over when I felt Jessica pull my hair back so Renee could put it around my neclk.

"Hell no, Bella, you are not ruining your makeup," Jess chided, laughing as she messed with my hair. "We did not spend all day getting you all dolled up for you to screw it up 10 minutes before the ceremony!" The girls laughed and I tried to calm myself.

Ten minutes.

"There's your something old, here's your something blue," Jess said, flipping a blue lacy garter my direction.

"Oh wait, here's something borrowed!" Renee produced a penny from her wallet, and tucked it into my shoe. "Now all you need is something new."

It did not surprise me when there was a knock on the door. "Really you two? Another stripper?"

UPS Guy version 2.0 looked confused and asked for my signature.

"I'm pretty sure he really has a package for you," Renee said, trying not to laugh.

Inside the brown box was a smaller black box. The card inside read "_To Bella, With all my love, Jacob". _Our wedding date was inscribed on a small silver circle that was affixed to a charm bracelet. The only other charm was a locket with a picture of the two of us together as kids. On the other side, the word "Destiny" was ingraved.

Destiny.

"And there's your something new!" Jessica clapped as I slid the bracelet on my right wrist. My breathing had increased as I knew time was running out.

"We'll give you a few minutes, Bells, then send Charlie up for you," Renee said, dragging Jessica out of the parlor. "I love you," she said, as she closed the door behind her.

I sat in a rocking chair, trying to clear my head. It was about a three minute walk to the beach from here, so I knew they would be well on their way. I needed to go outside and meet my dad.

I walked out the front door and almost gasped when I saw my big red truck in the driveway. I had ridden to the beach this morning with Jessica. I looked around and didn't see anyone approaching me. I looked in the other direction and couldn't see Jake or anyone else for that matter waiting for me. It took a split second before I ran back inside, grabbed my handbag and jumped in my truck. The keys were in the ignition, almost begging me to use them.

My brain was silent as I navigated myself out of La Push. I sped toward Forks with the decision that I would stop by Charlie's house and leave him a message. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I had to do something. My iPod was blaring a song, but the lyrics nearly made me drive off the road.

_I've been trying to walk out of my past,  
Left behind, I'm always the last_

_I think it's time to let go of this fear_

_And try to find a way out of here._

_I've got to clear out my head from this mess,_

_It brings me down and leaves me in stress._

_I think that with you I made a mistake,_

_Now I'm motionless in empty space.*_

Seriously? My own iPod knew I couldn't go through with it. Satisfied with the note I left for Charlie, I knew I only had a few minutes before someone would try to find me. I sped to our apartment and shoved things into a duffel bag. The only other thing I was sure of at the moment was that I felt like I was choking and I needed to leave.

Jake deserved more than this.

I stopped myself in the driveway once more and went back inside. I grabbed a piece of paper and tried to jot down my thoughts. How do you explain yourself in words to the one person you know loves you more than you love yourself at this moment?

My brain was fried. My face was frozen. My heart was beating rapidly.

I finished my letter and ran out of the home I shared with Jake. I knew I wasn't going to turn back now. I turned the radio up and drove as fast as I could away from the only home I have ever really known. I checked my cell phone, saw that I had missed calls and messages and I promptly turned it off and threw it in the floorboard.

I headed south on the 101 to a new world and life.

Wearing my wedding dress and Converse.

*_"Hold Me Back" ~ Buddahead_

**A/N: We threw in a little twist for you guys. Hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. If you have something to request or suggestions we are always open, our skin is thick so criticism is also welcome. Next update in about 2 weeks, thanks for reading everyone.**


	3. The Letter

A/N Ok guys, this was originally an outtake, but we decided to add it as sort of a prequel to the next chapter so you aren't missing out on Bella's goodbye. Enjoy!

The Letter, BPOV

_I know I can't take one more step towards you  
Cause all that's waiting is regret  
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore  
You lost the love I loved the most  
I learned to live half alive  
And now you want me one more time_

And who do you think you are  
Running 'round leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
So don't come back for me  
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around  
If I am anywhere to be found  
But I have grown too strong  
To ever fall back in your arms  
_**Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri**_

Dear Jake,

I don't really know where to begin. I guess I'll start with "I'm sorry." It's as good of a place as any. So there it is – I'm sorry, Jake. I am so fucking sorry.

I know that you must have a million questions running through your head right now, and I wish more than anything that I could answer them. The simple truth is I just can't. I can't answer your questions when my own are still unanswered.

Please know I never meant to hurt you, although I know that is what I've done. Know that my heart is breaking as I am writing this letter to you, because it is. I feel like I am slowly dying inside, but I know that this is something I just had to do.

I've been wondering if getting married was the best decision to make. We are so young and have a whole life ahead of us. There are so many things we haven't seen or done or even felt. As much as I love you, I couldn't help but feel I'd be giving up part of my life to marry you now. I was scared, so I ran. I couldn't just stand there today in this dress and become your wife.

What if I was a terrible wife? What if I screwed everything up? I know you're probably saying that I couldn't possibly have done something that stupid, but I know in my heart I probably could.

I'm so sorry for not speaking up sooner. I wanted to, God knows I wanted to. I just couldn't bear to see the hurt in your eyes. I've always wanted what was best for you. For a long time, your happiness meant more to me than anything else.

I needed to feel happy again, Jake. It wasn't just stress from the wedding, nor was it any one thing that has made me feel this way. I just know that instead of looking forward to today, I was dreading it. It's just that ever since you proposed, I feel like I've been in a fishbowl where everyone is just watching us, waiting for something to happen. We moved in together, we were getting married, and I'm sure the countdown was on for us to get pregnant and have kids. I can't help but feel that I am just too young for all of this.

I need some time to figure this all out, and I need this time to be by myself. I don't know what will make me happy, honestly, and I wish that marrying you was part of it. We have been "Jake and Bella" for so long, I just feel like I've gotten lost and I need to figure out who I really am.

I'm such a coward. It kills me that I couldn't even tell you in person today that it is nothing you have done to make me feel this way. I still love you, and I know I always will. You have been my best friend for the last seven years. I know I will probably lose you, but I hope that someday you can look back on this time in our lives with fondness. I know I will never forget this time in our lives, nor will I forget you.

It sounds so cliché to say "It's not you, it's me," but that's all I can say. It is me. I don't have any other words to justify my actions.

I want you to know that I do love you with all of my heart. I know you are probably hurt and can't understand how I can even say that, but it's true. Our love was young and pure and so adult for as old as we are. We need some time to grow up and match the relationship we had.

I know it will be hard, but you've got to move on without me. I will be fine. Go and be happy. Live your life. Keep taking your business classes and I know you will be managing the shop in no time at all. You've worked too hard to stop now. Eventually it will not hurt as bad as it does today and you can open your heart to someone else. I completely understand, Jake, and I only want what is best for you. I want you to have the happiness that I am struggling to find. I want you to have someone better than me – someone that won't leave you heartbroken on your wedding day.

I can't be what you want.

I don't know where I'm going, but I'm not coming back to Port Angeles or even to Forks. Not right now. Maybe one day we can talk about this and try to have some closure, but I'm not sure when I will be able to do that. All I know is that for right now, leaving was really my only option. I couldn't stay in Port Angeles with you and face you. I couldn't go to Forks and deal with our dads and their disappointment. I have to go someplace where I have a shot at making myself happy. I don't know where that is, but I promise, someday I hope I can tell you all about it.

I know you will want to talk to me now, and I know I am not being fair by shutting you out. I hope one day you can forgive me and understand why I had to leave.

I love you, Jacob Black. I always will.

~_Bella_

_A/N Next update should be in about 2 weeks. Happy Christmas and Merry New Year everyone._


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